The Revolution that will no be Televised

Gamers, get your strong arm steady - the Revolution is coming and preparation is a must. After their last system was donkey-punched by competitors, Nintendo is looking for payback. Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 will surely be tight, but Nintendo is coming at them sideway with their new system Nintendo Revolution. Button-pushers beware - last fall they announced that the next-gen console's unprecedented controller will be able to detect motion and use those detections to control your characters within Revolutions games. Simply genius. You'll be throwing 'bows all over you mom's living room to kick Bowser's bottom. But that got us thinking... what if Nintendo stopped making pansy-ass games with E rating and used this new controller to bring some realness to the Revolution? Free of charge, Mass Appeal presents a few ideas that just might revitalize Nintendo's stock.

dirty dance dance revolution

Throw on your special sensory briefs and fingerless gloves and get nasty to Nintendo's adult version of this popular dance game. The harder the pelvic thrust, the higher the points. Make sure you're ready for the ass-jiggle bonus round - if you can vibrate each cheek independently, you automatically advance to the next level.

In no time you'll be humping the ground like Bobby Brown. Invite the whole family over and teach 'em how to let their motherfuckin' knees touch their elbows! Stripper pole sold separately.

super barrio world

In the spirit of Grand Theft Auto, gringos can finally take a spicy journey inside the Mexican 'hood. After warping your way under the border through a green pipe, keep one eye open for La Migra as you hunt for menial work. The sensors are translating your every movement as you perfect your professional skills - strawberry-picking, house-painting, cooking Chinese food and other jobs left open by the lazy unemployed local rednecks.

over the top: the game

Finally, Sylvester Stallone's 1987 arm-wrestling epic Over The Top comes to your console. You play Lincoln Hawk, a street-wise trucker with biceps of steel on a mission to earn respect from his bastard 12-year-old son while slammin' fists on tables like Wack-A-Mole. Nintendo's sensors really let you feel the burn as you struggle hand-in-hand with big, burly men in sweaty truck stops and musty men's bathrooms across the Mid-west. But when evil actor Robert Loggia swoops down and steals your boy, it's up to you to put your 18-wheeler on the line to win him back in